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Chair? Where?

Lunchtime at Cathedral Prep is always pretty competitive. Back before the rules were tightened down, students used to genuinely sprint in order to get a good spot in line. Teachers always have to keep one eye open for students who try to cut in line. However, it seems as though a whole new problem has started to become a daily occurrence; there aren’t enough chairs.

At the start of the 3rd lunch period on Monday, April 24th, the seats quickly began to fill up as students got their food. First to the seats were the students who skipped out early, followed by the runners, with the students who packed close behind. As lunch went on and more and more seats began to fill, a disturbance broke out on the east side of the cafeteria; there weren’t any chairs left. Everyone watched eagerly as senior, Dan Chludzinski, pleaded with junior, Maximilian Bloomstine, not to take the last chair from the table. The east table is usually heavily populated by the seniors; however, the juniors seem to be stepping up their game. The juniors are getting to the chairs early, claiming the thrones as theirs and taking them to their domain. According to junior Maximilian Bloomstine, “The problem likely arose due to some of the juniors having group guidance. This forced our lunch to be changed from second lunch to third, filling up more seats.”

You might be saying, “Who cares if they don’t have a chair? Can’t they just stand?” Well, science cares, and no, they can’t just stand. In fact, according to popsugar.com, ‘Digestion is a process dominated by our parasympathetic nervous system, which has the famous tagline “rest and digest”—your body needs to be relaxed in order to process food efficiently, so it makes sense that we should also try to relax while eating.’ Therefore, sitting while eating is clearly something not to take lightly. Indigestion is no joke, and we should not stand for it.

So, in the end, the mystery of the missing chairs has been solved. Group guidance was responsible for the thefts.

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