Ranch rebellion averted thanks to change in formula


October 4, 2015
Student objections to the new Heinz ranch led to a taste test.

Student objections to the new Heinz ranch led to a taste test.

Ranch dressing is arguably the king of all condiments. It works on chicken tenders, pizza, combo subs, and many other staple foods of the American diet. Oh, and salads too. Due to the extraordinarily high strains put on the global ranch supply by Cathedral Prep students willing to spend the big bucks to get their beloved dressing, it is expected to be the high quality stuff.

With the new Metz catering service taking over the cafeteria this year, a new ranch vendor came also. And with the new ranch came a new controversy known as the “Ranchgate” scandal.

With lunchtime condiment morale at an all-time low and Prep at the breaking point thanks to the condiment changeup, something had to be done before tensions boiled over.

Whistleblower and Prep senior Sullivan “Sully” Johnson can be credited for alerting the Prep community of the improper ranch dealings that were going on behind the scenes. “The old [Heinz] ranch was way too generic. It was always sour and had an unpleasant taste that made ranch dipping experiences unbearable,” Sully stated.

Upon word getting out about the distasteful dressing, Metz culinary manager James Wrigley took immediate executive action and ordered an emergency taste test of four different ranch dressing formulas to determine which brand of the precious white substance was best fitted to Prep’s specific needs.

Senior Danny Brugger was one of the select students who were chosen to be part of the elite group of five freshmen and five seniors that decided the future of the Cathedral Prep ranch situation. When asked about the taste testing process Brugger responded: “The ten of us were each given baby carrots or celery to dip into each of the four ranch samples from various ranch dressing producers, and a bottle of water to clean out our mouths between each test. Ranch #3 [Hidden Valley] was the clear winner.” Enthusiastically, Brugger continued, “Ranch #3 was so tasty that I actually finished an entire baby carrot for the first time in my life.”

When asked about why the ranch taste off was held, Wrigley explained that he received an email from Johnson asking that Metz use the same ranch used by the former Cafeteria Administration. Wrigley also stated that it is important to listen to the Prep students and hear their feedback on ways to make the cafeteria a better place to eat.

After being asked how the new ranch was working out, Wrigley responded, “People seem to like it. When watching the taste test, it appeared the seniors knew what ranch they wanted just by looking at it, while the freshmen were all over the place, having chosen all the possible options individually [Ken’s Buttermilk Ranch, Kain’s Ranch, Heinz, and Hidden Valley]. The seniors were clearly used to the Hidden Valley ranch used in past years, so I think it is a good idea to hold the ‘Sully Johnson Ranch Taste Test’ every year.”

Wrigley did say that he has noticed that students appear happier with the new ranch situation. “There was line for the new ranch the first day which was very unexpected. We are looking to add more ranch to a separate line sometime in the future to create better flow.”

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1 thought on “Ranch rebellion averted thanks to change in formula

  1. Daniel Brugger says:

    Thank you James Wrigley for making me aware of all the good ranch can do to baby carrots. I plan on eating another in the near future.

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