The second annual CYO All-Stars vs. Cathedral Prep faculty basketball game will take place on Wednesday, April 2, in the gymnasium at 3 p.m. Tickets and dress down passes are on sale at both lunches for $4 or $2 for a dress down without a ticket or vice versa.  The faculty team looks to go for their second consecutive win, but this year’s seniors look like an actual team that was not evident last year. Come out to the game and watch this epic showdown.
Meet the Faculty team:
Mr. Swanson is the man from downtown; he lives and dies by the 3. The scouting report on Mr. Swanson is he likes to chuck up the threes, and rumor has it he shoots foul shots in Granny-style.
Mr. Pituch is a big man, and he likes to use that to his advantage inside. The All-Stars better have someone who is good on trampolines because they will be bouncing off of him all afternoon.
Mr. Brooks (aka Brian Urlacher) will be a valuable piece of the teacher’s puzzle. Actually, did anyone do a background check before this game? Are there allowed to be pro athletes in this game even if they’re retired and now working as gym/health teachers, or is that against the rules?
Mr. Hubert was a surprise in the first annual game last year, and it will be interesting to see what he has up his sleeves this year.
Mr. Moffett, (aka “The Jet”) is the fastest teacher that the team has, and he is in peak physical condition as the trainer of the Prep track and field team. If it weren’t for his age, The Jet could be the team’s most important post-man.
Mr. Ferraro will come off the bench for some valuable minutes, but don’t look for him to be the guy with the ball all game because that will be Mr. Swanson.
Mr. Colwell: When he gets the hair out of his eyes, Mr. Colwell can see the court like no other. He should get some valuable playing time off the bench if the scouting report is correct.
Mr. Bhatti: Balling is his hobby. He shoots threes from the lobby. Look out for him to “Bhatti” you up. He’s hyping himself up a lot in a lot of ways, even claiming he could beat Mr. Vicary in racquetball. We’ll see what he’s capable of doing in that contest after a physical basketball game the day before.

This year’s faculty team looks almost the same as last year’s winning squad. The starting five is coming back, along with new talent in the likes of Mr. Bhatti, Mr. Colwell, and potential wild card Mr. Krahe. With the only losses from last year’s team are Mr. Burger and Fr. Barron, the team looks ready to take on the new challenge. The teachers have an extra year under their belt, so they will definitely need to be wiser with the ball because of their weakness with their physical fitness.
Meet the CYO All-Stars
Tony Chiarelli: “Kid Faded” is basketball. It’s just that simple. He wants to be the best, the guy that takes the last shot. There is nothing this kid can’t do. He can defend your best player. He can shoot from the perimeter. He is the most complete basketball player in the game on Wednesday, and he has an assassin’s mentality on the court. Lil Wayne was singing about him in 2009. He will have over 20 points and 10 rebounds and steals vs. the teachers; in my opinion, he’s simply that good.
Jordan Sauers: Many refer to him as the “White Larry Bird.” Sauers is sweet from beyond the arc and has some sneaky passes that will be hard for any of the teachers to guard when you mix in his speed. Good luck catching up to this guy because he is like Mike and he can fly.
Ryan Dill: Ryan is much like a dill pickle: sour, wet on the court, and when it comes to crunch time you can count on him. Every team needs a player that is always competitive and wants to win, even in a charity game. Don’t look for Dill to be Mr. Nice during the game, or even after for that matter.  He has the ability to take over the game late in the second half and bury the teachers with his size and power.
Jake DeHart: When picking the team, the GM must have thought this was a football pickup game, or perhaps he was even bribed to put DeHart on the team. Quite possibly the last man off the bench, it will be a surprise to see DeHart with any notable stats at the end of the game, aside from most turnovers in the smallest amount of minutes possible. That mark he should get.
Mark Fagley: Mark “Fark Magely, Swagley, Shagley, Bragley, Flagely, Stagley” Fagley is a fan favorite with possibly more nicknames than Coffee Black from Semi Pro. He’s another one of the offensive weapons the All-Stars will deploy to breakdown the teacher’s defense.
Alexander Greenawalt: With the most skill and the longest name humanly possible, Alex will be the heart and soul of this team. With him, it’s a sure win as long as he stays in the game; even though he has the longest name, he also has shortest fuse. Without him in the lineup, the game will be a lot closer. Greenawalt’s potential participation is also a game time decision. If he plays in the game, teachers be warned.
Anthony (Davis) Paolella: Anthony is having anything but a sophomore slump with the new and not so improved New Orleans Pelicans this season. He’s averaging over 20 points, almost 3 blocks, and well over 10 rebounds per game. He is surprisingly intimidating on the defensive end of the court and that unibrow just adds to the scariness.
Kevin Bogniak: Debatably the most athletic kid in the entire senior class and even the entire school, it’s no surprise to see Bogniak on this All-Star team. As a bit of a self-proclaimed “Gym Class Hero,” Kevin could beat LeBron and Jordan 2-on-1 with his eyes closed, according to him.
Jon Fiske: Fiske is a bit of a ninja on the court; don’t mess with him inside the paint or he could drop you right there. Look for Fiske to be the physical presence off the bench that this team needs to succeed.
Francis Kloecker: The opposite of Fiske, Francis is the little guy that is underrated, or unrated for that matter. The teachers might want to keep an eye on him for no one knows the scouting report on him, or even how he got into the game in the first place.
This team is a lot stronger, faster, bigger, and more physical than last year’s team. Don’t be surprised to see a lot of injuries after this team is done with the faculty, especially with Anthony (Davis) Paolella down low in the post.
Ryan Dill had some words to share before the challenge, saying that it will be a good matchup between himself and Pituch. He also predicted the game to be a score of 101-37 in favor of his team. This might seem a little ridiculous, but it will be in the realm of possibility if the quarters are around 20 minutes each.
My prediction for the final score: 76-68 in favor of the All-Stars. Vote in the poll for your pick of who will win the game.
Come out and support your teachers and fellow students in a fun and exciting atmosphere!